Jenni's Jargon

the thoughts that run through my head

Happy Birthday…in Heaven…

on January 31, 2017

me-and-mamaI’m going to start by saying Happy 2017. For me, this year, short as it be so far, has totally sucked. On January 2nd my mama passed away, and it was very unexpected. At the moment I found her in her bed, my whole world fell apart. As many of you read here how close I was to my mama. She was a single mother for my whole life and I was an only child. We spent so much time together.

My mama had some health problems that had her on oxygen, taking so many prescriptions and she did not feel great a lot of days. However, I was not prepared for her to pass away at this time. She was only 62 and we really thought we had many more years with her. She was working on her health and had been losing weight to help with her conditions. She had so many plans for the upcoming years of her life. I miss her everyday but even more today because today is her Birthday. She would have been 63 years old today, and so many people told me today to be sure to celebrate her. I know they were trying to help me feel better, but really I’m just too damn sad that I can’t celebrate with her and I just wanted to stay in bed, cover my head and cry all day. However, since I have an 11 year-old boy and a job, I had to pull my shit together and try to function. I did okay, most of the day. I sobbed into my husband’s chest first thing this morning and felt very safe in his arms. I cried on my way to work, I seem to cry a lot in my car. I found myself really just wanting to call her and talk to her about all of my feelings because that is what I did on a daily basis.

It was nice to call and talk to one of her friends and get the great text messages from friends and family. I talked to my best friend and her words were also comforting. There are still days, and today is one of those days, where I just can’t believe that this is my new reality. I am so grateful for my wonderful friends and family, they have really been such a great support during this time.

On January 14th we had my mom’s memorial service. This was held at my church and I was so happy I could have it there where I was surrounded by so many people who love and support me. My mom had so many people who loved her and it showed at her funeral. There were so many people who showed up to celebrate her life. This is a testament to the kind of life she lived. My mom made friends very easily. She was nice to everyone, unless you were not nice to her then she could be vicious.

My mom was a happy woman who was full of sass and possessed a sharp tongue at times. She had a great smile that lit up a room and an extremely contagious laugh. She had a great sense of humor and loved a good dirty joke. She was the strongest woman I have ever known and raised me to be the same. She was so proud of her family, but mostly proud of her grandson, Ethan, who adored her. She was also loved by all her nieces and nephews, even if she was nicknamed “Auntie Ursula” (think Little Mermaid).

My mom was a woman of faith and believed that when she passed she would be in heaven and would meet up with her parents and sister who all passed before her. This is really the only thing that brings me any peace as I grieve her death. I am leaning on my faith more these days than ever. I’m so glad to know that I will once again be reunited with my sweet mama when I enter eternity. My mom taught me to have faith and because of that faith I know my mom is in heaven and she no longer has any medical issues, she no longer has to take so many medications, she no longer has to wear oxygen, she no longer has to walk with a walker. She gets to laugh all day and hang out with my aunt and my grandma, all three of my favorite women are together in paradise.

For those of you who had the privilege of knowing my mom, please know she loved being your friend. For those of you who didn’t know my mom, please know that she was a great woman and her presence is missed greatly on this earth!

Happy Birthday Mama, I love you with all my heart!!

Jenni

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