Jenni's Jargon

the thoughts that run through my head

I have share Eternity with who??

on June 8, 2016

cross-on-a-hill-12

This rape case at Stanford University has had me in a tailspin for a few days, just like a lot of the country. I kept hearing the phrase Rape Culture and had to look this up to see what the hell this was all about. I read on the Women Against Violence Against Women website that is a phrase coined by some feminists in the 70’s to show how the victims of rape are often blamed for their attack. I now understand where this phrase has a place in our culture, before I read about it, I was just pissed when I saw it!

You were drunk, your skirt was really short, you were flirting with me, you kissed me.”

Well to all of that I have to say “Fuck You!!” Now, I try not to use that type of language all the time but there are times it is warranted and this is one of those times. There is not one woman that I know (or maybe even on this planet) that wants to be sexually assaulted or raped. I can speak from experience that these actions can mess a person up for life. Yes, my name is Jennifer and have been a victim of sexual assault. I was assaulted by man I knew while in college. Since charges were not pressed, this man was not asked to leave school and I saw him every day on the way to class (I eventually dropped that class) and this messed me up for a long time. I almost flunked out of college, but instead I just left and didn’t finish. I have been through much therapy about this to help me cope, and while in no way was my attack as violent as the woman on Stanford’s campus, it was still traumatic for me. I did not have to go through a trial just to have him convicted and sentenced to 6 months as this woman did. I think that would have broken me even more. I am so enraged about this sentence that my faith in our justice system has been squashed like a piece of rotten fruit.

I think the thing that bothers me the most right now is the realization that if the man who assaulted me or Brock Allen Turner consider themselves to be Christian and have declared that Jesus is their savior (like myself and all other Christians) then they will be able to be in eternity with me (and all other Christians). This fact breaks my heart. I know that does not sound very Christian of me but its the truth. I’m reading a book by Nadia Boltz-Weber now called Accidental Saints and it about finding saints in the most unlikely people. When I recently heard Nadia speak, she talked about salvation and how we are all sinners. I agree with that, I know I am a sinner and so grateful that my faith says Jesus died for my sins and since I have that belief I will get to spend Eternity with those I love. However, that means the same for those who hurt us, commit horrible crimes, kill people, etc. How can this be?!?! I mean, I’m a sinner but my sins a little, aren’t they…I mean I haven’t killed anyone or raped anyone or physically hurt anyone.

Judging people, being unkind, yelling at my kid, lying, ignoring people/issues

Reading about the “Accidental Saints” opens my eyes even more. I generally tend to think I am open to a lot of situations and try not to condemn people for their situations. I also tend to think of myself a pretty good person, I mean…I volunteer, I work for a non-profit, I go to church…that counts for something, right? But what I am realizing is people don’t have to do all these things in their life to have salvation. They don’t have to live the type of life I choose, they don’t have to really do anything but accept Jesus into their hearts and they have the very salvation I have. Isn’t that a wonderful thing! Yes it is, but really, No it’s not!!

The fact of the matter is, I have to somehow come to the realization and acceptance that I will be spending Eternity with people I generally find unsavory and repulsive (like rapists, killers, and just “bad guys”). It is hard for me to accept that salvation is here for them the same way it is here for me but it is!! This is totally a test of my faith and I might struggle with this for a while as I figure out why God would want them in Heaven but I know there is some reason. #Faith #TrustGod #Imasinner

Jenni

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